There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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