The maid of honor just puked.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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