dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
