once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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