she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
