Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
