Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
