before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Houston, we have a blender
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
