I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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