***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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