sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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