No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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