I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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