Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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