i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
