were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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