your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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