I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
