I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
