I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize