i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
