dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
