You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
