i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
