I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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