I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
