how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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