Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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