Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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