i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
