This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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