I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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