Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
