I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
