Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
