I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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