Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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