disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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