It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
