I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
