HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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