At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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