i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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