Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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