You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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