I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
