I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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