two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
