Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
