She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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