Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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