I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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