im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
