i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
