so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
