The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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