I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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