I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
