Soap is not a condiment
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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