Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
