I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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